AussieTheatre's 2020 Summit

April 22: Unhappy with some of the ideas to come out of the Federal Government's 2020 Summit over the weekend, the AussieTheatre.com team sat down and came up with our own plan for the future...

Kevin Rudd held his much-talked about “think tank” over the weekend and thankfully, the arts were well represented with new mum and Sydney Theatre Company co-Artistic Director Cate Blanchett chairing the talk fest’s creative arm, and an excellent host of theatrical names making up parts of the panel.

While this is all well and good, we here at AussieTheatre.com were a little worried some of the more important issues confronting theatre’s future would not be discussed. So, quite simply, we held our own talk fest. In true theatre fashion, wine was consumed, bitchy comments were made and of course, results were delivered.

So, it is with great excitement we present our plans for the future:

Interval entertainment
More people would know about Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction at the 2004 Superbowl than they would the actual result of the football contest, proving the value of half-time entertainment. All the major sporting codes have it, and very often (particularly with AFL) it is talked about more than the game itself. Hence, we are proposing Interval Entertainment at all theatre productions. This could be a fantastic opportunity for out-of-work actors to present their ‘party pieces’, and like with sport, audience members can choose whether they would like to watch it or not. It will also help soften the blow of high ticket prices, as audiences will be given an action packed evening’s entertainment.

Cheerleaders
Yes, that’s right, we are suggesting all major companies have cheerleaders who perform five-minute routines at the start of a play. At major events, different cheerleading ensembles can compete against each other for honour and glory. Every company’s cheerleaders would of course be different. The STC Cheersquad would most likely be refined and classic, while the Kookaburra cheersquad would start off extravagant but ultimately find its feet and settle for a nice mix of contemporary and classical dance. The Company B cheersquad would be innovative, while the independent theatre cheersquad would most likely have no consistency in uniforms given the size of the budget and the “make your own” nature of the group.

Advertising and previews
People go to the movies and seem reasonably prepared to sit through 20 minutes of advertisements and previews. We are suggesting every theatre in the country be fitted with retractable screens that can be lowered down before the performance. On these screens, advertisements for future productions would be shown, as well as normal advertising that could be sold at a premium rate. In the case of companies who have Oscar-winning actors in charge, cross-promotion of films will not be permitted.

Arm rests that go up
It’s time to get the romance back into theatre. Dates to the theatre are quite the norm, so arm rests that go up in a similar fashion to those at the movies are must for theatre’s future. This could encourage more young people to come to the theatre, particularly those from richer suburbs who can impress their girlfriend and still make a move at the same time.

Scorecards
In keeping with the move towards reality television being a mainstay in our lives, the front row of every theatre performance will be given score cards under a revolutionary proposal. At the end of each act, those members will hold up their scores out of 10. One front row audience member will be selected to provide comments and advice. Names will be taken before each patron is seated and in Dancing With The Stars fashion, will be called out before the audience member holds up his or her score. For example, “Neil, would you please reveal your score…” and so forth.

Raffles and meat trays
AussieTheatre.com is proposing that a staple of pub life, raffles and meat trays, be incorporated into the world of theatre. People will be able to buy tickets before the performance, and at interval the cast members of the show will carry the meat tray around the foyer to show off what tremendous prizes are on offer. At the conclusion of the performance, the raffle will take place and the winner will be called up on stage to collect his or her prize.

Bad audition reel
Some of the best moments of Australian Idol are when we get to see the auditions that didn’t go so well. We are proposing that at the conclusion of each performance, patrons have the opportunity to stay and, on our previously proposed screen, watch 30 minutes of auditions for the show that didn’t go so well. These will generally be restricted to actors who failed to get beyond the first audition.